In Which I... Ugh.

I do like the BBC news website. It's a good source of news, not too up its own arse, not too “The country's gone to the dogs ever since Diana died.” It's about as unbiased as it could be expected to be, and it gives fair attention to events happening outside the country. One of the most startling news stories I've found is this:


http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-europe-20523950


For those of you who are so interminably lazy as to not click on a hyperlink, the gist is this- the current German government is calling for beastiality to be made illegal. That means sticking it in and wiggling about a bit, or having it stuck in you and have it wiggled about a bit, with and by animals. “Hurrah!” the more pleasant of you think, then “Jesus CHRIST, beastiality is currently legal in Germany?!?” I was astonished when I read this. Apparently, West Germany legalised it back in 1969, I do not know why. I'm going to have to assume there was a strong political group lobbying for it, and many people marching until they were given the right to fuck a sheep/cow/slow loris. I can't look into this because I fear I will lose all faith in humanity- I'll certainly never look at bratwurst the same way again. “This meat has been individually tenderised by-” “AHLALALALALALALALALA I CAN'T HEAR YOU LALALALALALA!” One crumb of comfort is that for ze Germans, the sex with animals is over if they cause them significant harm. Ron Jeremy wouldn't be allowed to go to Hamburg for a spot of zoophilia, then. Wiki answers says that man possesses a 9.8 inch long sausage stick (and that's only the circumference lololol). I wouldn't normally trust wiki answers as a source of information, but again, I am unwilling to research this further. So yes, people in Germany are permitted to have sex with animals unless it causes the animals “significant harm”. The trouble is, you can't really give an animal therapy lessons. How d'you tell if an animal is suffering flashbacks? Also, its ability to provide testimony in court would be suspect at best- “So, Rover, can you point to where the man touched you on this Scooby Doo doll?”


Did I mention that this story is deeply unsettling? I mean, hurrah for cultural identity and vive la différence and all that, but you're fucking animals for God's sake! This is almost like a German discovering that the British had just started to make rape illegal, and rape only being a bit of a no-no previously if the victim was caused “significant harm”. Worse still, it would be like the Germans discovering that we were considering the punishment for rape to be a hefty fine. They're only going to fine people that fuck animals! No, that's not right, they're only CONSIDERING fining people for fucking animals. Fining people for committing this “misdemeanour” would mean that the German people would equate buggering a badger to be in the same area as fly tipping! Ugh. It's going to take a lot of mind floss for me to be able to get over this one...

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