So yesterday I had a chat with my gut Doctor. I asked him whether they'd had my results all along and simply lied to me. Or I would have done if I could have gotten a word in edgeways.
Dr Bastard: Right, here are your results. The gut digging and cutting came back with nothing.
Me: So I don't-
Dr Bastard: Based on your symptoms, you maybe are intolerant to gluten.
Me: Maybe? But what about the-
Dr Bastard: The reaction your blood had with the antibodies in the other test mean nothing.
*Those were his actual words. Considering that it was the results of those which necessitated a gastroscopy, this seems like horseshit.*
Me: So w-
Dr Bastard: Seeing as you maybe have Coeliac's I will maybe refer you to a dietician. Now fuck off, I've got other inconveniences to see.
Me: Look! I'm going to get at least one sentence in edgeways, Dr Bastard!
Dr Bastard: My name's not Dr Bastard!
Me: I know, but otherwise, in the unlikely event you read this blog, you might sue me for being completely and utterly accurate. So. Could my epilepsy have anything to do with the symptoms that you say could maybe be gluten intolerance? Could it be that my epilepsy is responsible for those symptoms?
Dr Bastard: I dunno, what d'you think I am, a doctor? Now off you fuck.
Seeing as I may or may not have Coeliac's disease, I think I will have to find out. What I am going to do is eat pasta and cake and shredded wheat and pork pies and sausages and... Basically, it will either be a last hurrah or a surprise confirmation that for the last few months I have been avoiding bagels for no good reason.
Today's Tune
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