What's your favourite film? Actually, I don't give a shit. I'm not in right now. Trying to engage in dialogue with me is pointless and you're an idiot for attempting it. It's like trying to leave a message on an answering machine that's made of cake. And isn't there. ANYWAY. There's a website called IMDB (Internet Movie DataBase) and I use it on occasion to settle bets ("I'm telling you that's bollocks. "No it isn't, Sean Bean WAS in an episode of The Bill, of course he fucking was. EVERYONE'S been in the fucking Bill!"). IMDB, as you may have gathered, is a website that lists films and serieseses and directors and etc, etc and who directed who and who produced what. One of the other features of the site is that it lists the 250 greatest films as voted for by the viewers of IMDB. If I was looking at the charming James Stewart film "Harvey", for instance, I could see that it has a rating of 8 out of 10 and as such is placed as the 222nd film of all time. However, there's a problem with the internet and ranking films, and that is this- idiots. Idiots are a great problem wherever they pop up. You see, idiots have a short attention span and shorter memories. Why else would The Dark Knight be voted as the 8th best film of all time? Are you telling me it's a better film than Vertigo? Than American History X? I suppose it is if what you're looking for is goatse-ing plot holes (if you're going to search for what that is, for God's sake have safesearch ON) or awards for actors because they've forgotten how to medicate. I've seen The Dark Knight. Yes, it was enjoyable if you switched your brain off. Yes, Heath Ledger's performance as the Joker might well be the definitive one, which is a shame what with him having a case of the not breathies. But is it the 8th best film ever? Ich don't think so. My main gripe with it being so unreasonably high is that fourteen year old fanboys (or at least, those with the minds of fourteen year old fanboys) have gone and seen it and without much of a background knowledge of films have decided that it is the best thing ever. I'm not expecting people who vote for these things to have watched every Ingmar Bergman film or to get a Battleship Potemkin reference when they see one. I am expecting, though, that people giving a film 10 out of 10 realise they're saying that it's perfect. I don't think there's a film out there that's perfect (although there's one that runs it pretty damn close). But the fanboy thing. The blind adulation for a franchise they love that's so cool and it's just so amazing and cool and it's badass and did I mention it's cool? I'd better vote for this film and give it the best possible score and then loads of people will do that and everyone will be able to see how good a film it is because it'll be so high on the top films list, won't that be cool? Hate it. Hate it, hate it, hate it. Another problem is, that people tend to vote for recent films and not older ones. All the fans of Bridge on the River Kwai aren't going to start voting highly for it, let alone giving it 10/10, which is why it's 9 places below fucking Avengers Assemble?!? There is another website called rottentomatoes that amalgamates all the reviews of a film into one all encompassing rating, so it's immune to fanboys. I do not use rottentomatoes. I should.
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