In Which I Make a Sharky Friend

The other day I bought a football t-shirt from two Scottish men over the internet, which is not a sentence I expect to be repeating any time soon. These people have brought me much pleasure with their youtube videos that cover such footballing topics as Ledley King breaks into the Pentagon, and John Arne Riise is making a sandwich. What they do is record a surprisingly good song (normally) with drums and piano and such and sing about whatever, whilst for visuals they have wonderfully slapdash felt-tip drawings of said players doing improbable things. Anyroad, I felt I had to reward these gentlemen for their tuneful surrealism by buying one of their t-shirts (ie giving them beer money). Now I get t-shirts in a small size, but not because I'm small. It's because over the last few years some people have forgotten how to not eat all the time, and the average size of the nation is growing. It's not me getting smaller, it's not. I mean, I used to get medium sized clothes. How can I stay the same size and get smaller? I'M NOT SMALL. Anyway, I put on this t-shirt, and it WAS small and snug. I had a little bit of trouble getting into it, because they'd used a late 90's small rather than a 2012 small. Still, I was grateful to the good Scottish duo for winging over an old school sized t-shirt, a bit of nostalgia's good for you (though not as good as it used to be). And then a terrible thought struck me. What if this t-shirt isn't old school? What if it's me that's gotten bigger? I might have to do a wee bit more exercise- I'm certainly not eating less. If I ate less after cutting out all the fun things in my diet due to my stomach failing to differentiate between food and poison, then I would surely waste away. So I may well have to start jogging to properly fit into that t-shirt, lest my acquaintances ask me to do the "truffle shuffle". The t-shirt purchase was worth it, mind, and not only because it's a pointer to rid me of belly bits- it came in a parcel with a Euro 2012 sticker of Alberto Aquilani, and inside that parcel as well as the t-shirt with delightful football motifs was a felt-tip drawing of a shark, saying "Thankyou, friend." Now that's the best customer service I've ever had. Would you get that if you ordered a Harrod's Christmas Hamper? Would you bollocks.


Today's Tune