Monday 3 September 2012

In Which I Try and Pinpoint When I Became a Heathen

There comes a point in many children's lives when they are told about this God chap, and that point was relatively early in mine as I went to a Roman Catholic primary school. My parents aren't religious, I should underline, it just so happened to have the best write up by the people who decide how good schools are.  I think if they had actually put all the effort they put into masses and church services and confirmations and praising God and being afraid of God because he would fuck your shit up if you stepped out of line, I think if they'd put that effort into teaching then I'd have cracked cold fusion by now. You know how children accept any old guff they're told? Here was a place where you could say the devil made you do it and the teachers sympathised. If you did that in any other context, you would be put in a room with soft walls wearing a rather curious white coat that would somewhat restrict your movement.  We had to say grace before we could have our lunch, and, if memory serves, the first line was "Bless us oh Lord, as we sit together..." One day a priest from out of town came to perform a service, and he started off a sermon with the words "Bless us oh Lord..." Imagine his surprise when 100 kids recite parrot fashion at him some irrelevant crap about blessing the food we eat today and the hands that make the food. The whole going through the motions and saying stuff without thinking put me off religion. That and finding out the more randy priests can leave an arsehole flapping like a windsock. I kid, I kid. It was the fact that the blood of Christ that the children had to drink out of the chalice was awfully spermy (I'll stop now. I well know that having a crack at the catholic church isn't exactly groundbreaking.)




 

PRIESTS ARE PAEDOS!!!!!

Today's Tune



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