I had one of those simpering blood donor letters through today. "Oh thankyou so much for being a repeat donator, you're simply the tops. Your blood is SO tasty, om nom nom. We love you so much and would tuck you in at night if the terms of the restraining order weren't so restrictive." Or it said something in that area, I may have skim-read it because I was busy looking for NHS types hiding under the bed. They gave me a date to donate, and unusually, I think I shall have to decline- it just so happens to fall on the day immediately after the two day cocktail bender. I fear that if some B positive car crash victim or leukemia sufferer were to be infused with my blood so soon after that, their liver would give out.
I've just found out that Inigo Montoya out of the Princess Bride and Saul Berenson out of Homeland are played by the same bloke. If that doesn't amaze you, you either already knew it or are dead (due to having no metabolism or due to not having lived). If you haven't watched either of these things, please do because you will enjoy them and associate good things with me.
I feel a short entry is in order as I am still trying to get to grips with applications. So. Whilst waiting for a bus replacement service yesterday at some seemingly chosen at random station (yesterday it was Billericay), I had time to think about what I might write today. I thought "What are blogs for?" Well, they're mostly a device to prop up one's ego, and terribly self serving things. They're also inescapably about the person who writes the blog. What I thought I'd do for today is write about myself but try and find some nuggets that won't appear self serving (but of course make me look human and therefore are exactly that). So. One of my chief delights when in a nightclub is to turn the power to the hand dryer off, and go in there half an hour later to see that it's still off and watch guys slowly moving their hands closer to it and then wave them about frantically, and finally shrug their shoulders nonchalantly and say to no-one in particular "Hand dryer's broken". I have seen how long it can take hundreds of people to work this complex problem of the power switch right next to the hand dryer being off, and the highest score I have achieved is ALL NIGHT. Having achieved that, I then decide who looks like the most unpleasant person trying to dry their hands, and then flip the on switch. The dilemma is whether to do it when they're trying to dry their hands or when they've given up and gone "This fucker's not working." The best way to resolve this is to flip a coin.
Another thing I like to do is confuse foreigners, specifically Germans. No it's NOT racist, the joke wouldn't work on British people, and I only target ze Germans because it's the only foreign language I even slightly speak. So. If there are a few Germans chatting amongst themselves over here and I'm nearby, I will wait for whoever's talking to finish and then go up to them, fix them with a steely gaze and say "Bist du sicher", which means "Are you sure?" I then turn dramatically and leave, before they say things in German that I wouldn't be able to answer, like "What are you on about? Why do you feel so strongly that Baden-Württemberg is more scenic than Schleswig-Holstein? Come back!" It's not an aggressive thing to do, I just like confusing people I suppose. They might have a nice story when they get back to Ulm about how this mysterious stranger/über arschloch appeared and disappeared for no discernable reason. A friend of mine said to me that "You're a lovely man with an unpleasant man's sense of humour." You might think that, I couldn't possibly comment. I'm too busy bullying Germans and switching off other people's electrical appliances.
Today's Tune
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