There was once a series of adverts for Nescafé Gold Blend where this posh sod (who later went on to play Giles in Buffy the Vampire Slayer) lends some bint some coffee and then they keep on meeting and eventually shack up and only talk about coffee. The problem is, there are idiots in the world who get taken in by this sort of thing, as this little piece will show.
As Jayne Middlemiss inanely wittered, "it was like these adverts that were like mini-soap operas." Except these adverts were cynically put together to sell coffee to spanners like Jayne Middlemiss. I think what I find particularly offensive is that it's so clear what the advert is trying to do and yet utterly invisible to so many others. I suppose it reminds me of how many idiots there are. But you have questions for me.
(1) Surely the public can't be taken in by that sort of thing nowadays?
(2) Surely it's a dated practise.
(3) And just how exactly can you remember adverts from the 80's about coffee? You must have had a weird childhood.
These are all good questions (although one and two are sort of the same question), and all deserving of answers. So.
(1) Yes they can.
(2) Yes it is, but one that still goes on as idiocy is timeless.
(3) A lot of coffee adverts filtered through to me in the 80's- I watched a lot of telly because I was an insomniac. Probably due to all the Gold Blend I was drinking.
Yes, reader. This sort of advert does still pervade these days. The classic example is that BT series called "Twat-we-don't-care-about's-relationship-with-older-Twat-woman-we-don't-care-about-and-her-Twat-family." You could not get away from these cocking ads. I actually looked this up- they went on for seven years and there were forty of them. Forty separate adverts for BT to fashion adverts that have to shoehorn in BT's products into family life. Here's what you need to know. Twat is a sociopath. A man who can only interact with people through the medium of BT's products and services. The tragedy is that Twat doesn't realise he is a walking talking advert. Twat is a twat who bought an expensive house based on the fact it had a BT broadband and phone package. Twat is a twat who probably became the stepfather of those Twat kids because their mother's vagina was shaped like a BT landline phone. Here's an example of the two Twats coming across their Twat son watching the television with some friends, and spilling a soft drink.
You just know he's about to have the shit beaten out of him because his guardians saw him not advertising BT for a few seconds. "Fetch me the birch, and I will show my son that my prediction for any time spent not advertising BT is PAIN." Towards the end of the campaign, the advertisers were getting so desperate for ideas that they were breaking the fourth wall and imploring the reader to chose Twat woman's wedding dress. They even tried to get the audience to do the advertisers' work for them by having the audience vote for what happens next. BT say 1,600,000 voted. That's very nearly the population of Northern Ireland, which might not be a co-incidence. Did Sinn Féin and the Democratic Unionist Party patch up their differences and unite the nation into choosing how Twat and Twat woman's story would progress, because otherwise BT would endlessly be beseeching all of us how what they should do next? The alternative is a lot more unpleasant. A group of idiot bum dribble for a brain fishwives (I suspect most of the 1,600,000 would be women) thinking ZOMG A SOAP OPRA THAT I CAN RITE THATS SEW KOOL LOLOLOL x x x x x. The crazy thing is, these people don't understand that BT is asking people what is the best way to get them to use BT.
But BT have put a stop to this now. They got married and he made her pregnant and everyone was happy ever after. There wasn't much more they could do, unless they wanted to show Twat using the phone to stalk someone or the daughter getting AIDS off of the internet connection. These would make better adverts in the sense of entertainment, but BT would probably sell less. What they've done instead is put a group of student Twats together. Twat one is a girl, and as such she is the voice of reason and can never be the fall guy- she's essentially Vivian out of The Fresh Prince, but without the sass. Twat two is some dweeb who is trying to use all of BT's services to impress girls so he can stick his dick in them, and failing. Twat three, and I have only just worked this out, is the Twat Son from the previous series of Twatty adverts. Double Twat. Twat within a twat. Twatception.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t5NjcZRbPrk&feature=player_detailpage#t=45s
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